Friday confession: shorts are scary

It’s summer, which means it’s getting pretty hot in most parts of the country.  It also means that the average population is getting more and more naked, and it makes me uncomfortable.

Why?  Well, part of it is the knowledge that my 1 year old daughter will one day want to wear things that I think are too skimpy.  Most of it, though, is that I want to wear shorts but I hate my legs.

I’m overweight.  Not a ton, but enough… and I feel like shorts emphasize the worst bits of me.  I see a lot of shorts like this:

Aeropostale classic plaid shorts

Classic plaid shorts from Aeropostale - click the picture to visit their store

… and in general when I see them, they are too short and often too tight.  I happen to think these shorts are, generally speaking, almost the most unflattering things in the world.  Almost, because then there are these:

Aeropostale classic plaid bermuda shorts

Classic plaid bermuda shorts from Aeropostale - click to shop.

Not only are these also plaid, but they tend to hit every girl at the worst possible place, making proportions all wonky.  I KNOW there are exceptions, people out there who look amazing/adorable/sexy in one or the other or both of these, but on average they’re awful.  On me?  They’re worse than bad.  They are horrible, hideous, and forbidden.

But it’s HOT and I want to wear shorts.  So how do I get over my fears?  The answer, I think, will be loose fitting shorts that come just above the knee.  In general, when shorts or skirts land a couple of inches above the knee it lengthens your legs and looks much nicer.  Compare:

Denim shorts from Target

Too short! Are they shorts or underwear? YOU WISH YOU KNEW! (click to shop... but please don't)

Bermuda shorts from Target

Too long! Hello, stumpy calves! (click to shop, but again... please don't)

Chambray bermuda shorts from Target

Lengthwise, these are fine... but what am I looking at? The shorts, the socks, the shoes... Hold me, I'm scared. (click to... stare in horror)

So what will I be wearing this summer… provided I work up the nerve to venture out in shorts at all?  I’m thinking something like this:

La Rambla shorts from Title Nine

Just right! Loose fit, good length, ON SALE... (click to BUY!)

Pardon me while cry because they’re sold out of my size.

In the end, finding the right shorts is a lot more about getting over body image hangups than about buying a particular item of clothing.  People all over the world, bigger and smaller than me, are wearing all sorts of things with confidence.

So you know what?  Forget what I said about those plaid shorts above.  If you like them and feel good in them, who cares what I think?  Rock ’em.

Skinny Sushi signature


More from me:

Weekend plans & World Cup w00t!

Coffee & public nudity


5 Responses to “Friday confession: shorts are scary”
  1. carolyne felder says:

    I used to feel the exact same way! I didn’t wear shorts for years. Even after I lost the weight, I still don’t like my legs, but I’ve come to terms with wearing shorts/dresses again. I actually have a pair of plaid bermuda shorts and I love them lol. I think I finally gave up caring what other people think of me. I’m also happy with how I look now, even if I’ll never be a size 8. I say “put on a pair of shorts!” You may be surprised by how you feel this time around. Besides you are going to Florida soon…you will definitely need shorts for Florida!! 🙂

  2. writerdood says:

    You know, I’ve seen some pretty scary shorts wearers lately. And it’s not because they women were bad looking or overweight or poorly shaped, it’s because of the shorts they were wearing. Yes, there are shorts out there that flatter your butt, but there are also those that don’t. I’m not the fashion police, but I’m still tempted sometimes to let them know, “by the way, are you aware that the those shorts make your ass look like some kind of mutant cat-butt?” There are bulges where there should be any, or their ass crack is showing, or the entire thing is flattened like some kind of seamless bisected cheese ball. I’m sure they don’t WANT to look this way, they just don’t have a clue. Maybe they didn’t look in a mirror. Maybe their friends didn’t want to tell them how bad the looked in that pair of shorts. Just make sure to ask someone you trust, okay? Otherwise you maybe be walking around looking like you took a dump in your drawers. And nobody wants that.

  3. Lotus says:

    I HATE shorts! I have ok legs, but my legs are soooo pale. Well, all of me is pale, but my legs are extra pale because they have been hiding in jeans all winter. I am physically incapable of tanning and since using tanning lotions turns one’s skin orange, every year I just feel stuck with blindingly white legs. Thus far, though it’s been in the 100s here in Texas, I am still in jeans. 😦

  4. Jen says:

    I don’t wear shorts, and haven’t since high school, for the exact reasons you describe above – the last time I even browsed shorts at a store, the only items even close to acceptable in length were khaki, and some people (i.e., me) were just not meant to ever wear khakis. EVER. I have made do with dresses and skirts, which tend to be more acceptable lengthwise and offer more “air conditioning” anyway. But I applaud your continued search for the right shorts for you – good luck!

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