i always wanted twins, and other stupid things people say to parents of multiples

when i first learned i was pregnant with twins, i didn’t realize what becoming a mother of multiples would mean.  i couldn’t fathom how drastically it would change my life. i had no concept of how very personal details of my life would suddenly become open to public scrutiny.

i spent the last five weeks of the pregnancy hospitalized. bedrest sounds like a vacation, to anyone who has not experienced it.  it is anything but. i spent those days praying and hoping that those babies would spend another month, week, and eventually hour in my belly. i spent those days separated from my husband and first-born child who was only 3 years old at the time.  i was limited to a visit for an hour or so each day. it goes without saying, that was not enough time.

when i delivered the babies, 9 weeks before their due date, the journey was just beginning.  physical recovery for me took much longer than i anticipated. i had not been outside in weeks, i had not taken stairs in weeks, my body was exhausted, tired, worn out, mentally i was changed. my babies clung to life in the neonatal intensive care unit. words like ventilator, blood transfusion, necrotizing enterocolitis and retinopathy suddenly became a part of my daily vocabulary.

after 33 and 40 days spent in the NICU i was finally able to bring the boys home. we had to wait out RSV season before the babies could make their public debut.  between bedrest, the boys hospitalization and RSV isolation, i had been a shut-in for a little more than 5 months. when i was finally able to venture out with the boys i limited myself to walking the mall, a stroll in the park, or a quick trip to the grocery store.  it was than that i began to learn that there are so many people who were born without a filter.

so as a public service announcement of sorts, i am going to recount a top ten list of the more inappropriate things that people have said to me.  my hope is that the next time you happen across a mother of multiples you will think twice before you speak.

10. here comes double trouble! a word of advice, never call anyone’s child trouble – even if you are lending their parent money to bail them out of jail for the third time.  its inappropriate.

9. did you do drugs to get them? umm, im sorry, what did you say your name was again? i like to at least be on a first name basis when i start discussing my medical history.

8. are they test tube babies, or did you use a turkey baster? does this one require an explanation?

7. are they natural? no, they are aliens.  want to see the port where i plug them in to the mothership at night?!

6. are you sure they aren’t identical? how do you tell them apart? i had them tattooed with their social security numbers.

5. i have always wanted twins. did you read the part about how i essentially dropped out of society for 5 months?

4. my brothers ex-wife’s neighbor from the old neighborhood has twins. what am i supposed to say to this?  am i suddenly a part of some secret society whereby i am required to exchange phone numbers and invite them for dinner on sundays?

3. do they do everything the same? well, they are both looking at you like you are an idiot now.

2. you sure do have your hands full. how do you do it? the same way any mother does.  you just do it.

1. which one is the good one? you do know they can hear you, right?


2 Responses to “i always wanted twins, and other stupid things people say to parents of multiples”
  1. Skinny Sushi says:

    I so love you and, for the record, your vibrant, unique, amazing boys.

  2. Skinny Sushi says:

    And also, I second the idea that bedrest only SOUNDS good. In reality, it starts to suck around day… 2 or 3.

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