Is gay a choice?

I consider myself to be open minded, supportive of equal rights, and genuinely of the belief that everyone should be free to be themselves, to love whoever they choose to, and to live freely.  I don’t understand the issues behind gay marriage because I don’t understand why it’s the business of anyone but the couple.  I don’t see anyone out there protesting actually bad marriages, abusive relationships and disrespectful partners who really do have a chance of spilling their negativity out into society.  Why, then, do people feel they have the right to disallow two people to become legally attached simply based on gender?  It’s weird… but it’s also not the post I intended to write today.

What I want to say has more to do with the flaws in my own thinking.  I’ve been known to say many times that someone should not be judged for something that is not their choice.  Today, I read this… and now I want to say something different.

Is gay a choice? If pressed, I’d still say no… but there is something bigger than that.  The bigger question?  Why does it matter?

What difference should it make to me if you are gay, lesbian, transgendered, or bisexual?  Why should it matter whether it was a choice you made or just the way you are?  In the end, it shouldn’t make a difference because it’s not about that.  It’s about equal rights for ALL people.  We should all have the right to choose who we want to spend our lives with, and we should all be given equal opportunity, insurance, tax breaks, etc in doing so.

What’s that you say?  God says it’s a sin?  Well guess what else God says:

Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone…

“Do not pass judgment and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you shall not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.

As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself

I could go on.  Really.  Notice that I didn’t use any quotes about whether or not homosexuality is a sin?  Yeah, that was on purpose.  I happen to know what the Bible says about that, and I don’t consider it relevant, because the point here is that it’s not our right or place to judge.  Whatever you choose to do with your life is your choice, your option, your life to live.  If it truly is something punishable or sinful or wrong, it still isn’t my place to carry out that punishment.

As much as some might like it to be otherwise, we aren’t God.  It’s not our place.  So step off, sit back, and just let everyone live in peace.  Each of us has to respect the right of every other person on the planet to live the way they choose to.  If they break the law, that is for a policeman or a judge to decide.  If they break a religious law, that belongs to God.  Not you.  Not me.

You’re free to believe whatever you like about the righteousness or sinfulness of anyone’s actions.  For me, however, I’d like to raise my daughter in a world where we all have enough respect for one another as fellow human beings to keep our opinions to ourselves when we are not in a group of like-minded people.

And yes, I am expecting hate mail.

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More from me:

Getting on with the 30 Day Shred

Staying home or making money?  Where’s the balance?

Southern Rhone red wines


15 Responses to “Is gay a choice?”
  1. Bex says:

    Love email! Love email!

    I love this article. Nicely written.

  2. penultima says:

    The verses that you quoted that you use to conclude that we should not judge others actually has to do with whether or not you are being a hypocrite while judging. There is nothing wrong with confronting someone on an issue when you yourself are not a hypocrite on that and/or similar issues. There are many examples in the bible where we are instructed to judge; however, this judgement is considered “Righteous Judgement”.

    Compare Matthew 7:1 where Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged”, with what is also said in John 7:24, “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment“.

    You are right that people are free to do as they wish and that we are not to punish people for their mistakes that they are willing to make themselves but you can still love someone and tell them that they are doing something wrong as long as it is God inspired and you are not being a hypocrite.

    • H says:

      Lucky for me I don’t have to worry about whether your interpretation is correct or not, because I don’t believe the Bible means more than any other book of collected ideas. I do agree, though, that judgment is acceptable, and, in fact, a vital part of living a moral life. But to me, Good is centered on that which encourages and celebrates life and does no harm. So mutually beneficial love between equals is okay. Spending a life attempting to make other people feel bad about themselves, not so much.

      A bit of an aside, but one reason I don’t rely on biblical arguments to settle my moral dilemmas: there used to be a bunch of biblical arguments for slavery too (i.e. Mark of Cain). I’m sure people, at the time, thought those made sense. Humanists are often accused of making up whatever moral rules suit them, but I can’t see that those in more formal religions behave any differently.

  3. I agree with you 100%. One thing I will say as a way to try and understand some of those who don’t agree is that, at their core, they believe having sex with someone of the same gender is wrong…like most people believe that having sex with children or animals is wrong. It used to be that having sex with/marrying someone from a different race was wrong. So slowly, society is becoming more accepting. Those who don’t/can’t accept it are in fear of the unknown…

    As for God? I laugh when I think about God caring about who is sleeping with who…God is nothing more than the energy that exists in all of us and in that infinite universe that is so enormous that we can’t even begin to imagine it. Our teeny tiny existence here on teeny tiny earth is, at once, insignificant and supremely significant.

  4. writerdood says:

    I’d say I’d have to agree with your opinion. I wrote something similar once, and then ended up in a long discussion about developmental biology with a group of biblical literalists who had their own agenda and wanted to pick me to pieces one concept at a time. I didn’t feel like engaging them, so I ditched. That’s the nice thing about the internet. If it’s pissing you off, you can just turn off the computer.

    I’d say gay is not a choice too – at least in the vast majority of cases. People are all different, and trying to lump homosexuals into categories of “had to be” and “wanted to be” isn’t helpful. Regardless, it’s their choice, so respect it and leave them alone. Trying to transform people from one same-sex attraction isn’t something society should be involved in. Unless it’s what that person wants.

    Sometimes I get the feeling that there are groups out there within our society that would, (if they could), put all homosexuals in “gender reorientation camps” and try to mentally reprogram them. The veneer of civilization is a thin and fragile thing.

  5. We can admonish a person. In fact, if you know someone is doing wrong/sinning, you have the obligation to point it out, so that they can correct themselves. Our ultimate ending is what we are supposed to keep in mind. Do you want your friends to go to heaven? You admonish them for their errors. They should do the same for you. This is in Paul’s 2nd letter to the Thessalonians: “Yet do not esteem him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.” Basically, we are just helping each other out. When standing before God on judgement day, if He asks, “your friend was in a state of sin, what did you do to guide him out?” I don’t want to be standing there saying, “uhhh, nothin’.”

    As for the judging part, “judge not lest you be judged” means you do not have the authority to tell someone they are going to hell. That’s up to Jesus. A bad example is that “baptist church” in Kansas that is really not much more than this weird family and maybe a couple of their friends. You’ve seen them in the news, I’m sure. They go and protest soldiers’ funerals and hold signs that say, “God hates fags.” God is love. God hates no person, even the most sinful. A great parable about this is the story of the prodigal son in Luke’s gospel, chapter 15. It begins at verse 11.

    Is homosexuality a sin? The Catholic Church teaches lust is a sin. Homosexual acts are a sin. They say same-sex attraction in and of itself is not. Watch out that it doesn’t cross the line into lust, though!

  6. Lotus says:

    No hate mail from me! Love it! I think you make a great point that the question of choice shouldn’t even matter.

  7. shesmyhusband says:

    I also loved this post!

    Everything was well said.

  8. kelsnotchels says:

    Great post. I’m right there with you, and appreciate your taking the time to share. I’m glad you shared with heather this link…

  9. Dee Dieter says:

    I have to agree – with your article and Karen above.

    As stated above – “We can admonish a person. In fact, if you know someone is doing wrong/sinning, you have the obligation to point it out, so that they can correct themselves.”

    How do we know that it is wrong or sinning? The Bible has been interpreted so many times (and probably incorrectly in some cases). There is too much judging and “shoulding” on people nowadays.

    My religion – Be kind to people and animals. I don’t think it’s kind to sit in judgment of others. In fact, I know what it’s like (sort of). People judge you about your weight even. MYOB people.

    Thanks for the chance to debate, Sushi / Heather.

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